Why You Should Speak Up In The Bedroom

“Post-sex pillow talk can influence relationship satisfaction just as much as other factors, such as the frequency and satisfaction of intimacy itself.”

We incline to drift off after sex—trust me, it’s not just you, but most of us do. After the so-called outstanding performance and treating her to a good time in the sack, we thought our job is done. Sorry buddy! While relishing in the afterglow, engaging her in some thoughtful pillow talk might be able to improve your relationship and your sex life. It may sound simple but it requires skills to make it right. The way you “pillow talk” with her can result in her feeling completely turned off the idea of having sex with you again, or it can make her excited and full of feelings of lust and blooming love. So, it’s definitely a skill you should focus on improving.

First, what is pillow talk and what effect does it have to ladies? Pillow talk is essentially about having an intimate conversation with your partner in bed, before or after you’ve had sex. Some says it is a way to get to know each other better on a more intimate level and even lay a foundation for a potential relationship. To understand the significance of communication after sexual activity, let’s take a look at the brief background on pillow talk and the research that serves as a basis for its importance. In 1979, James Halpern and Mark A. Sherman wrote a book called Afterplay: A Key to Intimacy. In their short, provocative book, they emphasized the importance of couples’ post-sex communication. Next to sleep, intercourse and orgasm are the most profound changes in consciousness most human beings ever experience. Cuddling and talking after sex is a crucial way for you and your partner to express their commitment to each other. In relationship terms, pillow talk could be just as important as what happens before sex, or even the act itself.

Here are 5 tips on how you nail your after-sex speech:

Tell her the sex was awesome.
You know it was freakin’ great and man, she knows it too. Still, she wants to hear you say it. Ladies feel performance anxiety as much as we do, so she needs reassurance that she aced in bed. The more positive comment she gets from you, the more sexually confident and enthusiastic she’ll be in the future.

Let her know how sexy you think she is.
Play up her hotness and sing her praises like “wow, your body is so sexy!” Being naked cause a woman to feel vulnerable and exposed, so praising her outstanding qualities is important. Never tell how beautiful and flat her stomach is (when she’s actually battling with her so-called baby bump) – make it closer to the truth, find a comment along the lines of, “you just fuckin’ blew my mind”.   That will boost her confidence and make her feel more comfortable naked.

Don’t bring up your personal issues
Just because she hopped in bed with you doesn’t mean that you won and the tests are now over. It also doesn’t mean that she has decided to establish a relationship with you and wants to have even more sex with you. So, if you begin to bring up your personal issues and insecurities as a way to pillow talk with her, you are definitely going to be ruining the chance of a relationship with every extra word you say. She doesn’t need to know about the issues you’ve overcome in the past. All she needs to know is that the man she is with now is a strong, emotionally secure man who is worth investing time, love and energy into. So, telling her about all your problems (past and present) isn’t going to make her see you as that man.

Avoid sharing tales about your previous sexual adventures
With all the relaxing “pleasure hormones” released during and after sex, sometimes you slip and start talking too much and freely about yourself and your previous conquests. And while you’re into your “relaxing” period, you might as well guard your email passwords and ATM pins when talking with a woman . . .just a precaution, mates.

Tears in bed after sex – yours not hers – is a BIG no, no!
Don’t.Get.Too.Emotional. A guy’s emotions can get the better of him and if a woman starts to express her emotions he may also try to match her emotion for emotion. It is easy for you to lose your composure and suddenly blurt out how much you care for her to the point of pouring out your deepest feelings. She’s might still be evaluating you as a sexual or potential relationship partner and is not ready for confessions of love. This can make you look needy and will be a major turn off for her.

And lastly, stay awake no matter how much you want to hit the pillow. As sexual intercourse can create warm and fuzzy feelings for both of you, it also tends to make you sleepy because parts of your brain shut off after sex, specifically the prefrontal cortex, which can cause drowsiness. Combined with the release of hormones like prolactin, has a profound sleep-inducing effect. An orgasm might make you feel closer to her, but it also acts like a very pleasant sleeping pill. But, always remember that the time you spend together after sex might be as important as what happens before it in terms of building the relationship.

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