Intimacy Expert, Willy ‘D Great answers the question most men afraid to ask.
QUESTION: My girlfriend is into experimenting in the bedroom. She wants to use toys and stuff, I feel intimidated and threatened. How can I get comfortable because I don’t want this to affect our relationship?
Bro, my hat’s off to you kase, you are totally badass for bringing in the question most of us (men) are afraid to ask. First, curious lang ako on what do you mean by “experimenting”? And what toys ang ginagamit ni girlfriend? Did she tell you ba, na she’s “experimenting” already (by herself) and she’s asking you to join her? Well, naintindihan ko ang feelings mo – when our girls starts using some toys, we feel that we’re inadequate at some point in fulfilling their sexual intimacy. Or that we are dirty and bad . . . or our girlfriends are dirty and bad. Either way, it doesn’t feel good at all.
Yes, sex should be sacred and pure, but it should be exciting too.
We were taught that sex should be pure, sacred or intimate. Pero in this digital era where information is just a mouse click away, our knowledge has expanded and that’s where curiosity starts to form in our wellbeing. Curiosity killed the cat . . . or not. Yes, sex should be sacred and pure, but it should be exciting too. Is it just that these toys are new to you (believe me when I said these already existed a long time ago when our lolos are still making out with our lolas). And, you don’t have the hang of them yet so you’re afraid of failing, being rejected or feeling silly.
Instead of feeling threatened or uncomfortable with your girlfriend, why don’t you ask her what toys mean to her? Baka naman she think you are SO AWESOME and she feels SO SAFE that she can TOTALLY BE HERSELF and it’s a complement that she wants to use them with you. Does it make her feel more beautiful, naughty, empowered? Bro, ask her. Take a breath and start asking questions from a place of curiosity knowing YOU ROCK and ALL IS WELL and SOMETHING AMAZING IS ABOUT TO BE REVEALED.
If these toys are triggering your sexual shame during your discussion, I suggest you need to see some expert (not me, of course). There may be a bigger cost in choosing to ignore it, and it’s better to face the discomfort with a masterful professional. Let him/her heal this shame/discomfort if this is what’s going on. It will save this relationship and take it to new heights and depths. Many of us (including me) have been shamed for our sexual desires and once free from these devastating ‘curses’, sex or intimacy truly becomes a sacred spiritual place of true unapologetic self-expression.
There are many reasons to be glad that we are born into the age we are. For instance: iPads, cellphones, online shopping, free delivery, just to name a very few. All wonderful conveniences of the modern world that our brothers of past generations had no access to. So when it’s TIME to face your fears and take the plunge, you don’t have to go to the store and feel uncomfortable discussing what to buy and what type of toys to try. You can always resort to the anonymity of the Internet shopping and research.
Sex toys are often a great way to help you learn what pleasures her and they are wonderful learning tools
Remember, sex toys are now part of intimacy booster that will spice up our sex lives. If and when you overcome the discomfort and shame, you will realize that these can be great tools for you and your partner to use and figure out what really turns you on. Sex toys are often a great way to help you learn what pleasures her and they are wonderful learning tools, while feeling real-l-l-l-ly good.
We can even ask our resident contributor Mayumi Cabral about her opinion on sexual toys on women. What’s your take Yumi?
Call me Willy ‘D Great, contributor for The Black Rhino Man. Programmer by day but certified lady’s man by night. Trying hard to master the Taglish language in my writing gigs. I live in an imaginary bachelor pad overlooking the multiple lights of the 6 o’clock horrible traffic in Manila with my future wife, whom I haven’t met yet, and my precious and beloved computer.
Images from freedigitalphotos.net