“The urge to hook up with a new partner to get over the breakup or to get back at the ex-partner, is very powerful immediately after the breakup. Is this rebound sex? Or revenge sex?”
Breakups suck. Not only are you left wondering what might have been. It also wreaks havoc on your self-esteem. If you got dumped, you are left holding an empty bag, ruing what you might have done wrong.
What is else is there to do, but seek someone new to relieve the bruised ego? At this point, you are fragile and vulnerable. You need somebody. Anybody.
The urge to hook up with a new partner to get over the breakup or to get back at the ex-partner, is very powerful immediately after the breakup. However, this declines over time. Is this rebound sex? Or revenge sex?
While a thin line separates the two, what sets them apart are the reasons or motives behind it. Rebound sex is an act as a desire to ease the pain of losing one’s partner, while revenge sex as a desire to hurt or exact payback on the partner. The common denominator though, the activity has to be with a new partner—not an ex.
DON’T PLAY THE REBOUND GAME.
Have you ever been in a rebound relationship? Most men on the rebound are emotionally vulnerable due to increased feelings of distress, anger, loss and diminished self-esteem that typically accompany the loss of a relationship partner. Consequently, they easily tend to hop on someone else’s bed to boost their self-esteem, ease the pain and loneliness and temporarily get over the breakup.
But guys, rebound sex isn’t for everyone so consider some of the pros and cons before you ease yourself under the sheet. One of the major advantages of rebound sex is avoiding the post-breakup instant weight gain brought to you by drowning yourself and numbing your pain with bottles of beers and the boxes of pizzas that go with it. You can also cover your bruised ego among your mutual friends by broadcasting,“suck it ex-girlfriend! My new girl is hotter and smarter and totally better in bed!” And the best part, of course, is the free sex. However, in dealing with your sadness, all that cruelty might lead to a breakdown of epic proportions later, when your partner realizes she’s nothing but an instrument of rebound sex. And man, you won’t be able to live that down. Also, jumping into a bed with a girl too quickly can end up making you feel even worse when you eventually realize that, you barely even like her, or you were just blinded by misery and just didn’t want to be alone. The worst scenario is getting her pregnant by mistake.
DON’T GET EVEN
Yes, you’ll do anything to get your self-worth back. When your partner cheats you on, you feel shattered and your ego is bruised. You may not realize it, but somewhere deep inside; all you really want is revenge and payback. And what better way to get it than revenge sex.
Revenge sex may seem like the perfect payback for a cheating lover, but you need to know a few things about how it works first and the consequences of it. Remember, cheating is one thing, but revenge sex can feel like premeditated murder!
There’s no way revenge is good for you, well, apart from the idea that it’s make out fun with no strings attached. If and when the relationship with your now-ex was gone sour, be man enough and move on! Don’t cheapen yourself by having sex with someone else just to attempt to hurt your ex. That is utterly insane and it will never bring her back. She’ll just hate you even more. You’d only be using another girl, and she’s probably using you as well (without you knowing it).
Don’t be the sulking fool. Be wiser and cut all and any further communications with her: it ends now. More importantly, don’t play with the risks of pregnancy and STD just to get back at someone.
JUST STAY BROKEN
Both rebound and revenge sex may be primarily triggered by feelings of heightened distress and anger – and cause one to have sex to get back at an ex. Both are thought to be more common among those who were dumped or were in more committed or longer-lasting relationships, presumably because relationship loss under such circumstances is more painful. These circumstances are motivated by a need to cope with the negative feelings thought to accompany the loss of a romantic partner.
If you just broke up. Stay broken up. Bouncing back and forth with new partners will just stir up some more crap. Channel your sorrow and loneliness to making you a better person. Hit the gym, take up a new sport, or begin to see old friends and family which you neglected during the happy times from that relationship. In time, you will heal and be able to pull yourself back together. Now you can seek out someone more compatible to form a good relationship with.